The Purpose Dillema

What does it mean to have the drive to live? Most would answer by saying what they want to become. A millionaire, an entrepreneur, a doctor, an architect and the list goes on. We define our motivations based on the future we want. Our dreams. In such a pretence, what would a person without dreams say? What if you try to intentionally halt dreaming? Would that person not have the drive to live? As someone who gave up dreaming a while ago, I'm stuck at a point where I don't know if I want to dream or not. Now you might be thinking, why did I give up? One word. Flexibility. There used to be a time when I valued flexibility to adapt, more than every other humane quality. I wanted to become anything at my will whenever I wanted. It was born out of a love for self-control. I love to control myself. It feels ecstatic to know I have absolute power over myself. In order to maintain my control, I relinquished the biases that kept me ahold. I gave up my self-pride, my passions and even my dreams. This allowed me to become a blank slate I could rewrite again and again. While erasing again and again too. As thrilling as being a blank slate sounds. It means you're giving up a massive portion of what makes you, you. You're giving up your personality. Unless you're a psychopath, which I'm pretty sure I'm not, you can't perfectly simulate a personality. People notice it and they avoid you. They loathe you, they don't connect with you. People don't care about people they don't have a connection with or are inept for any connections to grow. Thus resulting in an everlasting loneliness.